Chapter 3 – uncle larry

Chapter 3 begins with a short Author’s Note, as most of the chapters do, mentioning reviews the author has received. (I’ve read through the reviews, they are a mix of genuine criticism, laughing mockery, and “Is this crap for real?”)  She calls one of her reviewers dumb because “of course tiaa didnt go to math in only her bra shes not a total ditz!” even though the story makes no mention of her getting dressed or doing anything between the time she leaves Ewdard whining on the floor and the moment she walks into class.

On to the Chapter!

Chapter one opens with Tippecanoe watching TV in her foster parents’ home, thinking about how pretty Ewdard is and also how much of a creep he is for groping her, since he has a girlfriend. (Even if she is just “a mean girl with an ugly heart and not that hawt.”) But she just can’t stay mad at him. (He’s just too pretty.) She receives a phone call from “Mike Nooton” inviting her to “La Plush”. She asks him if he is the same Mike Noonan who hangs out with The Chearleaders’ gang, but he assures her that they are far more shallow and less hawt than she is. And they can be mean sometimes. She tells him she would not want to go with him since he hangs out with such people, plus she is messed up in the brain (or “bran”; perhaps all her problems can be traced to her irregularity) and he would not want to go out with her if he knew how messed up she was. He says that it doesn’t matter because she is so very beautiful, etc, ad nauseum, and she agrees to think about going if she has nothing else better to do.

Her foster parents suddenly leave, making sure to tell her how beautiful she is before they go, leaving her with creepy Uncle Larry.

“greeting a;latnaniana my names uncle larry” said uncle larry, he came in threw the door he was fat and bald with tiny black eyes and a red face

“Hey – i said

“your the orphan arent you” he says “is it true you kiled your mother when she gave birth to you?”

“Wat!” I cry, my eyes filling with tears

“your an evil bich arent u? Go outsite and wash my car” he shouts angerly

She goes outside (in her hot pink minidress with the black lace ruffles around the bottom) and proceeds to wash Uncle Larry’s red “porche”; he comes outside, watches her briefly, pours the bucket of water over her, rips her clothing off of her, bends her over the “bonet” of the car, and then proceeds to spank her for half an hour before raping her.

Anyone who can write a rape scene that makes you want to both laugh and weep should be shot in the elbows and left to bleed to death.

Now, I have no problem with story elements like this if they are handled in the right way and are essential to the story or the character’s growth in some way. Suddenly introducing a creepy uncle at this point makes no sense. No mention has been made of the uncle before now, there has been barely any mention of the foster parents. It’s as if the author got tired of defending her character’s Mary Sueness and decided to add a little personal tragedy to make her more sympathetic. Add to that the fact that he tore her clothes off, spanked her for half an hour, and then proceeded to rape her in front of his brother’s house in the middle of some sort of suburb  (I’m just assuming, no effort has been made to describe any setting in this story so far. It could be a desolate farmhouse in the middle of Kansas) in broad daylight for “hours” … not only  is that unrealistic, (You can’t even give a fully-clothed child a gentle tap without reporters falling out of the woodwork crying abuse these days.) it is an insult to rape victims everywhere.  I’m sure the author meant for it to be a serious scene, but I just can’t take anything written like this seriously.

Uncle Larry finishes, spits in her face after throwing her facedown on the “grind”  and leaves her on the “floor” of the street. She runs into some woods (after dressing in her previously torn-to-shreds clothing) and has a vision of a bright light and a tall white man with black hair who calls her his daughter.

Suddenly a blast of white light exploded in head and my mark on my hand burned like a flame. I closed my eyes and saw the face of a tall white man looking over me with no expression, his eyes were burning red and his face glimmered cold and bright as the moon,. I fell back from the brightness of his body, his hair was dark as night,.

“atlantiana?” he whisperd in a voice softer than clouds -my daughter?-

“omg” I whisperd as my mind went blank and the world went dark.

Something tells me this girl’s mind is usually blank.

If I can stomach it, I’ll tackle Chapter 4.