This post began as a review of one of my favorite websites, FocalPrice, but quickly veered into “mature themes” territory.

I suggest that all of you with weak constitutions and the under-aged not read any further.

Now that I’ve almost certainly guaranteed that there will be under-aged people (and  my mother) reading this, take a look at something I found while browsing one of my favorite websites. And no, it wasn’t that kind of website.

FocalPrice, as well as DealExtreme, carries all manner of interesting stuff, including small electronics and household items. DealExtreme and FocalPrice have many of the same items at slightly different prices, so they are nearly interchangeable. The prices for the items include shipping, so you’re not saddled with a huge shipping fee if you are only purchasing a few small things.  An upgrade to faster shipping is available, but I’ve never used it. If you spend a minimum amount, $20 for FocalPrice (I think DealExtreme is the same amount) you receive a tracking number so you can keep an eye on your package. Standard shipping times vary, I’ve had to wait anywhere from two weeks to over two months, but the average is a couple of weeks.

I like to browse through the New Arrivals; there will often be LEDs and MP3 players sitting cheek-and-jowl with cosplay accessories and women’s jewelry.

 

 

They have pirate flashdrives,

 

Angry Birds hats...

 

A travel cup shaped like a camera lens...

 

Several versions of the ever-popular dual-hologram balance bracelets...

 

And then there are the “Intimate Gadgets.”

That’s right; you too can order high quality discount marital aids directly from China!

 

Guess what this is for?

 

And for the ladies…

 

Of all the creepy clowns I have featured, this one scares me the most.

 

And if you really want to have nightmares, there’s stuff like this …thing.

 

Meet "The Fantastic Wolftooth Sleeve Men Sex Toy"

No, I didn’t make that up and it’s not photoshopped.

Oh, it gets worse.

It’s hollow.

That’s right, that prickly nightmare is a diving suit for some guy’s Wee Willy Wrinkled.

To quote from the product listing;

  • Hollow structure, long laster, added thickness.
  • It is so wonderful that you will not want to put it down.
  • This will be your permanent best friend.
  • 5 inches in size.
  • Specially designed for men.

The part that scares me the most? “This will be your permanent best friend.” To me, that implies that once you manage to suit up, it ain’t coming off.

I’m sure it could be used with a …”wand massager” if you lack the natural equipment, but …ugh.  It looks like some kind of freaky coral polyp, but in penis form.

It's the love-child of this...

and this.

 

I’m sorry for that mental image. Here’s a photo of a kitten.
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