Friday morning I was doing my usual morning shower thing and I heard a buzzing noise. I do have persistent tinnitus, so a ringing or buzzing sound is normal for me. I ignored it and went back to my Head & Shoulders and trying to remember the words to “When Doves Cry”.

Hey, don’t judge me.

Then I saw something move.

As I was in the shower at the time, I wasn’t wearing my glasses and the world was a foggy blur. The movement was coming from a point above my head to my left, where the normally motionless wall should be. I have pretty poor eyesight  without my glasses, but if something is fairly close, as this was, and there is enough contrast I can usually make shapes out. The tiles in the shower are off-white and the shape crawling around was very dark. At first I thought it might be a horsefly or a bee, but then it turned and I saw the distinctive arrowhead shape of the wings.

 

GAHHHHHHH!!!!

 

Fuck. It’s a wasp. There’s a wasp in the shower.

I reacted in the calm and rational manner anyone sharing a confining space with an insect with an unknown purpose would; I jumped out of the tub, grabbed the shower nozzle and hosed that sucker down. While it thrashed in wet-winged impotency in the bottom of the tub, vainly attempting to sting the water, I stabbed it with a fork until it was dead enough to flush down the toilet.

I’m not taking any chances. With my luck it would come back as a zombie wasp.

AHHHHH!

 

Note to self, add “Zombie Wasps” to Do Not Google List.

 

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