Why is Jamie Lee Curtis so concerned with the regularity of my bowel movements?

For those who don’t watch TV or fast forward through the commercials, for the past few years Jamie Lee Curtis, who one danced a tango with Arnold Schwarzenegger, is now shilling for a laxative-yogurt.

Sing it with me - Ack-tiv-e-ah!

 

The yogurt has some sort of special probiotic bacteria in it that will help “regulate” the digestion of the person eating it. In other words, it makes you poop.

Why are they selling this stuff to people?

Do we really need a famous person (who, I hope, is being paid millions of dollars) and a comprehensive advertising campaign to tell us how often we need to shit?

Is there someone out there who saw these commercials and suddenly realized “Hey! I should poop more often!”

While I may have forgotten most of what I learned in high school biology due to the contact highs I got from my lab partner, Skunky McDoobie, I’m pretty sure your internal plumbing takes care of the pooping thing just fine.

This is the last scholarly work I read on the subject.

 

If you are that concerned about your bowel movements, you either;

A) need to see a gastrointestinal specialist, or

B) visit a psychotherapist to deal with your coprophilic urges.

My grandmother was obsessed with the subject. She would watch GhostSister and I after school and it never failed that at some point she would ask us if we had had a BM that day. (That would be “bowel movement” for those who are a bit slow.)

Grandma at least had a personal interest in the subject of my digestive health, Jamie Lee Curtis has never met me before. For her sake, I hope Dannon pays her in enough gold bricks to build herself a little fort. She’s gonna need the privacy once the poop-yogurt kicks in.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here in the corner, weeping for humanity.

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