Once again Swap-Bot has provided a list of questions for me to answer – no original thought required!


If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?

I’d like to go as a parking enforcement officer, that way if anyone pissed me off I could have their car booted or towed.

What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling?

Technically that’s two questions, but I’ll let it slide since they are both hamburger-related. I like my hamburgers to be cheeseburgers with chili and mayonnaise, and prefer to taste the heat not the meat.

You are chosen to have lunch with the President. The condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask?

Have you ever “gone commando” while giving the State of the Union Address?

It’s your first day of vacation, what are you doing?

Sleeping and eating rocky road fudge – simultaneously, if possible.

What is your concession stand must-have at the movies?

A purse filled with vodka-infused gummy bears – they make any movie bearable.

Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email?

Pop-up emails with spam ads.

What do you think Captain Hook’s name was before he had a hook for a hand?

Fingers McHand, but his friends called him Clappy.

Rock, paper, or scissors?


How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding?

Depends – does the six months I kept him chained up in the basement count?

Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

Considering a loud enough noise could deafen or kill you, I’ll go with “too loud.”

What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?

A sound credit history.

At the good old general store, what particular kind of candy would you expect to be in the big jar at the counter?


What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city?

There’s a giant metal acorn in a park downtown, that’s pretty distinguishing. And shiny.

Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?

Whenever someone starts asking me a series of questions I start feeling drowzzz…

How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test?

Four, but that was because the testers were overly picky – I’m sure lots of people drive on the wrong side of the road, run over the curb, and almost get rear-ended during their test.

If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose?

Mint flavoring, chocolate chips, and an electric mixer.

What food item would need to be removed from the market altogether in order for you to live a healthier, longer life?

Anything that’s deep-fried and smothered in chocolate.

You are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. You are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. Do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second?

I knock over whomever has the envelopes and take both of them.

If you had to choose, which would you give up: cable TV, or DSL/cable internet?

You do realize you can watch TV shows over the Internet, right?

What is your highest level of education?

I’ve taken nine levels in Knowledge of Raisin Sculpting.

How much is a gallon of gas in your city? What was the highest it’s been?

It’s a hundred and twenty-eight ounces – I think it’s always been that many.

What kind of lunch box did you have as a kid?

I have a Muppets lunchbox, a Muppet Babies lunch box, and a Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox.

What would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur?

Since I don’t have any children but I do have a driver’s license and know how to work the vacuum cleaner, I’m going with cook. 

Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic?

Stuck in traffic – there’s less of a chance I could plummet forty stories to a squashy death, plus I would be able to open the door and pee (which is frowned upon in elevators.)

Lets say a brick fell on your foot, and your kid is standing right next to you, what is your ‘cleaned up’ swear word?

Mother-loving nutcracker, where the hell did this kid come from?