Once again I have scoured the Internet (spent ten minutes on Google) looking for a list of questions I could answer. There are actually quite a few lists out there and while it’s good to know I don’t have a gambling addiction or an enlarged prostate, none of those particular lists were very funny – so I’m sharing this one,  “Random Questions One” from IdeaCrow,  instead.

1. You head on out into the wilderness on an exploration journey, leaving behind your beloved home. Weeks pass and you find a sanctuary with all that is needed to sustain your life. What do you do?

You think I’d spend weeks walking around in the wilderness all by myself? No TV, no running water?

BWA HA HA HA HA HA!

2. You are relaxing in a comfortable chair in the yard. You have your eyes closed but you are still awake. Your neighbor sneaks up to you and scares you with a loud noise. What do you do?

 I would bide my time and lull them into a false sense of security, and then BLAMMO!

Nothing says “Vengence is mine!” like a water balloon filled with spoiled pudding. Unless it’s two water balloons filled with spoiled pudding.

3. You find yourself trapped in a windowless basement of a stranger. You are not chained or tied up to anything but left for dead. You can barely see anything due to the darkness. What do you do?

Since being “left for dead” implies I have be greviously injured in some way, I would probably die. If I have not been badly hurt and still have full use of my limbs, I would stumble around in the dark (probably cursing) until I found something flammable. And then I would light it on fire. That would provide me with the light I would need to locate the exit.

4. You wake up one day just to find out that your gender was changed. You were highly dosed and do not remember a thing of the operations. Your opposite gender functions are 100%. What do you do?

 Honestly, I’d probably spend the first day playing with the thing and learning how to write my name in the snow. After that I would joyously destroy all my dipilatory products and never shave anything ever again.

5. You are given the option to replace any limb or limbs of choice with a mechanical equivalent. Your strength will greatly increase but your appearance and humanity will not. What do you do?

 I’d want my legs replaced, so I could run like the Roadrunner. Can I get an iPod installed as well? ‘Cause that’d be awesome.

6. You are looking out of your window and it seems like another sunshiny day. When you turn your view by ninety degrees you see a meteor heading straight for you. In your final moments, what do you do?

 There’s always running, that’s usually a good idea. Especially if I’ve got my upgraded legs. Failing that, I’d probably curse a lot.

7. You are given a homemade sandwich by a colleague who despises you. The sandwich looks delicious but you do not know what it may contain. What do you do?

 Eat it. Hey, it’s free food.

8. You are asked by your entire family to join the hunger strike in protest of a cause that you actually agree with. The family is in a highly emotional state. What do you do?

 Given the well-padded appearance of many of my family members, we could probably handle a hunger strike.

9. You see an old man on the street rubbing his bald head. The moment you walk past him he begins to laugh maniacally at you with his face that has seen better days. What do you do?

 Rub his head to see if the crazy is contagious.

10. You see a clueless penguin randomly waddling down the same street that you walk on. It stops and begins to stare at you. What do you do?

Pick it up, check it for vampire fangs, and take it home. I’ve always wanted a penguin.

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