Tuesday was something of a stressful day, what with the police coming to [ghostbank] and everything, and I knew I was going to have trouble sleeping. Stress does that to me. As I have a laughably low tolerance to medications and chemicals in general, I don’t like taking sleeping pills because they leave me so muzzy-headed the next day – but I have a solution. Booze!

America’s favorite depressant, alcohol, makes you sleepy – there’s a reason they call it a nightcap. My drink of choice for this purpose is about an ounce of peach brandy mixed with around four ounces of cold water taken about fifteen minutes before I go to bed. It won’t knock me out, but it does encourage me to sleep. I ran out of peach brandy about three weeks ago, so on Tuesday I stopped at the ABC store on the way home to pick up another bottle. (For those of you wondering, ABC stands for Alcoholic Beverage Control – North Carolina has some fairly draconian laws concerning booze and there are no private liquor stores, only those run by the state.) My local store was out of peach brandy in the small bottles and I didn’t really want a great big one, so I decided to try something else. Having recently watched Fright Night, I decided to get a bottle of melon liqeur. (If you’ve seen it, you know why.)

I went to check out and the clerk asked to see my ID. Bless you, minimum-wage drone. You are my new best friend.

Oh, the reason I was stressed – the thing with the police coming to work? You probably want to hear about that. We had a customer who came in and purchased a cashier’s check, which she then took outside and gave to a man. There was a loud exchange of words in the parking lot and the woman, followed by two female friends and the man (who was still holding the cashier’s check) storms back inside and demands to cancel the check. She was informed that this was not possible, there is a ten day waiting period before this could be done, and even then only if the check had been damaged, lost, or stolen. She immediately claimed that the check had been stolen – remember, the man she gave it to is standing about five feet away with the check in his hand and looking progressively pissed off – and wanted to have it canceled right that minute. Funny thing about [ghostbank] cashier’s checks, the teller is required to type the recipient’s name onto the check – it cannot be left blank. Even after the branch manager was called in to referee she still did not understand that you can’t claim the person you made the check payable to has stolen their own check. It’s their check – their name is on the fucking thing.

At this point diplomatic relations broke down and the woman attempted to snatch the check from the man’s hand, he tried to get it back from her and her two female friends joined in, shouting quite loudly that he was attacking them. (This occurred about two feet from my desk, he was focused solely on that check.) This is when my manager calls the cops and the three women flee with a small piece of the cashier’s check. I don’t know if the man decided to press assault charges – since the whole throwdown occurred in front of about half a dozen cameras and around fifteen eyewitnesses, he would probably win if he did.

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