Archive for May, 2012


Curse You, Pinterest!


Pinterest is noting but a giant time-sink draining away valuable hours of my day. Most of the stuff I see, I have little to no real interest in. So why can’t stop myself from looking?!? I mean, it’s not like my world will end if I don’t spend approximately $1195.91 on an Italian purse shaped like a squirrel.

Sure it’s worth more than every piece of furniture I own, but … look at it!

The mushroom purse is a bargain at only $1096.87.

I could pay off my car loan with two of these.

Before I saw them on Pinterest, I had no idea that these things existed – and I was fine with that. Now I spend far too long looking for cute things I will never own and browsing through craft ideas I will probably never do. I need a twelve step program for this shit.

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Working Backwards


I had another odd dream, but this one seems to fit with two others I’ve had.

In my dream my family is selecting an asteroid to turn it into a spaceship. This isn’t as odd as it seems, as there seem to be good reasons to do this.

We travel out to an asteroid belt, find just the right one, and finally install our beginning module. There are other families as well, each with their own module and we all settle in the same asteroid.There are other groups with their own asteroids, some heading the same direction we are and some heading other places. The idea is that once we get underway, the different families will mine out the asteroid so that by the time we get to where we are going, we’ll have all the metal we need to make tools and other things. The little place we live in is very cramped and shiny in an “Apple store” sort of way, the corridors cut into the asteroid are much darker rock. There was dust everywhere. During the dream a neighboring family is visiting us and I’m showing their twin sons how my e-book works. It wasn’t my beloved Kindle, but something very similar – it had the ability to project images and well as serving as a flat display.

This dream actually fits neatly in front of the one I had a while back where my family was arguing over who had to sleep on the table since there was not enough beds. (Also known as the dream where the toilet gets lost.) Not long after I had that dream, I had one where everyone was living in the ground (there was also a talking cat) that would fit into the end of the timeline as how life would be on the planet we were going to.

It’s really weird how dreams that I’ve had weeks or months apart seem to sort of fit together, it’s almost like my brain is telling me to write this story.

Some Days


Last Monday I turned my head wrong at work and it did something unpleasant to my neck. I’m not sure exactly what went wrong, but it’s probably a pinched nerve or something. It was sore but not that bad went I went to bed on Monday.

I woke up Tuesday feeling like someone had unsuccessfully attempted to remove my head. I had a wicked migraine and my neck was killing me, so I stayed home from work. That night, during dinner, one of my fillings fell out.

I have definitely had better days.

On the plus side, my neck is starting to feel a little better. It’s still pretty painful first thing in the morning but one I work it out good it’s not that bad.

Bless you, Tiger Balm. Praise be thy tingly goodness.

Happy Memorial Day!


 

All gave some, yet some gave all.

Thing 1’s Gallery


I’ve mentioned in passing what an excellent artist my eldest niece Thing 1 is, it’s not surprising considering both of her parents are creative types, so I thought I’d share a couple of her most recent works. Thing 1 is only six years old but is well on her way to being a great artist, some of her drawings look as if they were done by someone several years older than she is. According to GhostSister she draws constantly and runs through paper so fast, even though her father brings her scratch paper from work, that she will sometimes draw on paper towels when she has nothing else available.

I’m sure there would be some who would say “Oh, Ghostie – you’re just biased.” Well, yes; but I’ve also seen her work.

This is the horse and girl (that’s a saddle pommel) she drew for me last Thursday.

This is the dragon she drew for Mother Dearest.

The Lonely Bear


On Thursday I went to see Thing 1 in her debut role as a giraffe in her class play, The Lonely Bear.

She is an adorable giraffe.

All the kids were various animals who came to see the lonely bear , whom they tried to make feel better about himself and there was something about going to the beach with monkeys that sounded like fun. I wasn’t really paying that much attention to the non-Thing 1 parts.

The giraffes taught the lonely bear how to read and then they did a little dance. It was frickin’ adorable.

Here you can see a couple of monkeys, a magical parrot, and a tiger.

When the teacher passed out awards to everyone, Thing 1 received the “Kiddie Caldecott” award since she is the best artist in the class. That giraffe just loves to draw. (If you scroll back up to the first pictures, I think that’s her giraffe on the wall.)

At the wrap party, the giraffe showed her true nature by devouring a Zebra Cake.

Deja View


I haven’t had many odd dreams lately, but I did have one that was a bit strange last Saturday.

On Yard Sale Day, I’ll get up at my regular time (too frickin’ early) take and shower and dress, and then head back to bed for a while. Mother Dearest will wake me up when it’s time to go, around seven or so. I don’t normally dream during these short naps, but for some reason this time I did.

I dreamt that MD was in the living room and was looking for Simon for some reason. She was looking all over the place, calling him over and over again. The funning thing was, he was right in the middle of the floor, stretched out and taking a nap. She had to step over him several times while she was looking. Finally MD gets fed up and comes back to my room, where she wakes me up in my dream to ask me where Simon was. (I was asleep in my dream – how’s that for meta?) She shakes me awake and starts demanding to know where Simon is, I keep trying to tell her that he’s in the living room (which I should not have known since I had been asleep) but she doesn’t hear me.

And the real MD wakes me up to go to yard sales. I’m pretty sure the first thing I said when she woke me up was “I told you, he’s in the living room!” but it probably came out as garblety-gook. I’m not terrible eloquent when I wake up.

As a further odd/weird thing, Simon was actually sleeping on the end of my bed during all of this.

Well, That’s New


I occasionally like to browse through CraigsList Listing looking for stuff to send to my favorite website, You Suck at Craigslist, but I don’t usually find anything quite up to their level of terrible. However, there are times when I do find things that make me go “Huh?”

For example, this was in the Personal ads under “Strictly Platonic”:

Force Feeding(Belly Expansion) – m4m – 22

That looks weird. I wonder what the ad looks like?

Looking for anyone interesting in feeding me large quantities of food, until my belly is bloated and huge. Stuffing me to the brim until I can barely move. I would love for someone to tie me up and force me to eat and eat till my gut is taut and full. If you are into this fetish, are interested, and would be able to host, let me know.

He wants to come over to your house, let you tie him up, and force large quantities of food down his throat like he’s a goose being fattened for pate. Why is this a thing?

I’m white, 5,11, with brown hair and brown eyes. I already have a flabby, soft little tummy. I have soft, youthful skin, which is very fortunate, it’s nice to touch. Very nice to rub, even nicer to rub when it’s filled to the brim with food. I’m fine with cuddling(if you’d like), belly rubs, maybe some playful insults like “Your such a pig.”while you feed me. Stuff like that, teasing me.

Well, that’s a surprise. The food fetishist has a pot belly. The description of his skin really freaks me out, it’s like he’s advertising his hide to serial killers.

I’m free all day tomorrow so I’m hoping someone will be interested by tomorrow. I’d love to meet anyone who is into this fetish. Even if you are not into the fetish but are into heavier guys, take this opportunity to help make me nice and big for you. I’m yours to fatten.

Is anyone into this sort of thing? I’m afraid to Google it, so I’m just going to assume that the answer is “Yes.” And “strictly platonic”? – Really? Then why specify that it has to be a man who ties you up and ladles gravy down your gullet and offers to cuddle afterwards? (Ewww.) The boy is essentially offering to become someone’s prized piglet. He’s just begging someone to kidnap him and keep him in a well while he rubs lotion into his soft skin.

It’s also possible that this is just an incredible elaborate ruse concocted by a broke college student looking for a free meal, since he’s offering to come to your house and eat your food.

Over-Reaction


Not much drama happening at work these day, no throwdowns in the lobby or other exciting things, but I did overhear something at lunch that puzzled me.

The coirker who despaired over whether her boyfriend would ever propose to her – well, he did. Now I have eighteen months of wedding plans and constant dieting to entertain me during lunch. Yay. One day I heard he tell another coirker that her fiance was taking her shopping.

“I’m making him get me two purses. One’s going to be a Coach, but I’m not sure about the other one.” Other coirker is of course curious as to why said fiance is doing this, so first coirker explains.

She was doing something with his phone one day and noticed that he had downloaded the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Well, she freaked out and confronted him. He tried to pass it off as if it was a mistake, but went to the trouble of checking and somehow found out that he had downloaded it on purpose. Another freak-out later and she is “making” him buy her two new designer purses as some sort of punishment for being a healthy heterosexual male who likes to look a pictures of women in bikinis.

It wasn’t some graphic tentacle-based porn or anything like that, it was SI’s Swimsuit Edition. If she thinks her fiance is going to stop enjoying the sight of scantily clad women just because he’s engaged or married she is sadly deceiving herself.

The Shard


Firefly was curled up in a ball on the loveseat in the living room, so I walked over to pet her for a bit. As I was doing so, I noticed something shiny on the cushion.

Me – “Why is there glass on the seat?” I hand the shard to GhostDad, seated nearby. He looks it over, rubbing it on his finger.

GD – “It’s not glass; it’s too light to be glass and look, it’s not cutting my finger.”

Me – “Yes, it is; it feels just like glass.” GD continues running it over his finger. “Why would there be glass on the seat?”

GD – “Your mother had her stuff all over it, there’s no telling what’s on it. :prods finger with shard repeatedly: It’s not glass, it’s plastic. If it was glass it would cut me.” He hands it back to me. “Try it, it won’t cut you.”

Me – “I’m not going to cut my finger open just to prove a point. Look, it cuts paper.” It does.

GD – “Plastic will cut paper.” At this point I give the shard to MotherDearest, who taps it on her teeth.

MD – “It’s glass.”

Me – “See, I told you.”

GD – “No, it’s plastic. Here, let me try to break it.” I pick up the lighter on the bookshelf that’s used to light candles. “Don’t use that, it’s almost empty! Just let me break it.”

Me – :lights lighter and sticks end of shard into the flame: “No, look. It’s not melting.”

GD – “I told you it was glass.”

And they say I’m the stubborn one. Also, glass gets really hot and can burn you if you’re not careful.