I found a list of questions for teachers to use as writing prompts for young kids over on Pinterest, and since I’ve often been accused of acting like a child I decided to write up a few responses. Here are the first five questions.

Would you rather have a ketchup dispensing navel or a pencil sharpening nostril?

As I already have times when undesirable red stuff comes out of my body, I’d probably go with the pencil sharpener shnoz. It’s not like I’d be forced to use it all the time since hardly anyone uses old-school wooden pencils unless they are actually in school.

Would you rather always wear wet clothes or never take another shower?

I do love a good shower, but I also like being dry and not chafing all my bits so I’ll go with no showers. Nothing but tub baths for me!

Would you rather always feel like your foot is asleep or always hit your funny bone?

I hate the sleepy-foot feeling so I’ll go with funny bone and just invest in some nice elbow pads.

Would you rather communicate using only a Lite Brite or and Etch-a-Sketch?

I shall go with a write-in candidate and express myself through the tactile medium of Play-Doh!

Would you rather feel like you always have to sneeze or have everything you touch tickle?

Ooh, tickle! I like being tickled. Actually, is there a way I could make this happen now? Like dress up in a suit of feathers or something?