Category: Wheel O’ Topics


Blogiversary!


It’s my blogiversary!

Well… Technically it was yesterday but as I am terrible at remembering dates I thought it was today. Sorry for not sharing my special made-up holiday with everyone. I kinda wish I had because sweet mercy did I get a ton of hits yesterday – 203 when it’s usually around fifty on a good day. I couldn’t figure it out until I went to Google something and saw that they had a doodle up for Eadweard Muybridge’s birthday. Sure enough, most of my hits were for the weekend picture-post I did featuring his work a while back. (It got more hits than my tooth cleaning stick review, which has been my most popular post of all time.) Mystery solved.

So should I do something fun and spectacular for my one year aniversary, which I honestly thought I would never achieve, or just continue boring everyone with the meaningless minutia of my daily life?

:flips coin:

Boring minutia it is!

Ummm …

:twiddles thumbs:

Let’s get out my old friend, the Wheel o’ Topics, and see what he has for me instead.

:WHIRRR!:

“Ten things that irritate me about vinegar?” It’s an acid, it’s supposed to be irritating. I call do-over.

:WHIRRR!:

“One of my favorites is Arkansas?” Dude, I think I left you in the closet too long. Let’s try one more time.

:WHIRRR!:

“Heres what infuriates me about Dog Food?” That it’s speciest (and also bad grammar.) Once more.

:WHIRR!:

“My opinion on lying to kids.”  Well, I don’t have kids so I don’t have any problem lying to them. I did tell Fearless that she was the smartest kitty in the world the other day, which we all know is a lie. She thinks plastic and cardboard are part of a complete breakfast.

As the Wheel turns…


Since I am decidedly uninspired today, I’m gonna let the Wheel O’ Topics tell me what to do. Spin, you crazy circle  you…

“Magazines that are hard to digest.”

Damn stupid Wheel.

Okay, then – Magazines that are hard to digest. Well, it’s been a while since my paper-eating days, but I would say that those glossy mags would probably go down the smoothest. The pulps, with their cheap and highly absorbent paper, are far more likely to end up jamming in your log flume which is a situation I never thought I would have to describe even in euphemistic terms.

Damn Wheel.

:deep sigh:

 The trick would be to drink plenty of water and make sure you chew throughly; pretend you’re making paper maiche. ( Which, in the most disgusting way possible, you are.) Be prepared for a night on the throne, that much roughage is sure to clean out the works. I suggest sticking with The Weekly World News and it’s tabloid brethren; while not technically magazines they will certainly do the job.

If you’ll excuse me, Mr. Crowbar and I need to have a chat with the Wheel O’ Topics.

And now … this.


So what am I going to talk about today? Do you really care? There are millions of blogs out there where whiny people bitch about there pitiful problems. As if any of that matters with the coming Zombie Apocalypse.

Damn, I need some peach brandy. Refreshment break!

Well, I’m feeling a little chattier.Let’s see what the Wheel O’ Topics has for us… “Talking to people”. Way to break the boundaries there, Wheel. Oh well.

Talking to people; personally I hate it. The more I deal with people in general the lower an opinion of humanity I have. That’s not to say that there aren’t a few people out there that are kind and decent, I just don’t meet them with any regularity.

“But, Ghostie” you might cry “what about basic human decency?” To you, my hypothetical questioner, I would say; “Suck it.” Truthfully, if you want an indicator of how thin the veneer of decency is, dawdle just a little too long the next time you finally reach the front of a long line. Grandmotherly little nuns will start calling for your blood, trust me.

With that out of the way, I’m gonna go hang my socks up to dry.