Tag Archive: corpse-finger


Braaaaainssss…


Last night I watched Resident Evil, something I have never seen before, right before bed. I know better than that, but I was curious as to what the big deal was with the whole series and I had some time left on my Farmville farm, so I figured “What the hell.”

Such a big mistake.

It’s not that it was scary, I found the makeup and effects to be a bit pedestrian, but it was the inherent flaws in the story that left me pondering in the darkness. And before I get some snippy cinefreak jumping all over me about suspension of disbelief and all that filmtastic junk, let me just say; I don’t care. I love movies and I’m willing to accept a degree of impractical psuedo-science, but this was just too much. It was a bad movie.

Case in point – the T-virus. This is the thing that makes everything else happen. It’s because of the virus’ release that the place is put on lockdown and so forth and so on. As the Red Queen helpfully exposits, the virus works on the idea that the body keeps going after death, that nails and hair continue to grow.

This is an old wives’ tale; the body doesn’t continue to function after death. That’s why you’re dead – you stopped functioning.

In my misguided efforts to try to rationalize the thought processes behind this, all I could come up – it’s for organ harvesting purposes.

Not everyone has an access panel in their tummy.

That kinda makes sense, in the sense that if the body is kept alive through this mojo-magic science, then it would be easier to harvest the organs when you needed them.

But… the organs would be filled with a virulent disease that would turn the recipient into a brainless, ravening monster.

Clearly this wasn’t a well thought out plan. Unless there is an untapped market for corpse-hair and corpse-fingernails that I’m  not aware of.

A good zombie plague could do wonders for the weave industry

This seems counterintuitive, since the Umbrella Corp has stasis devices that could keep their corpsesicles fresh and freezer-burn free for years. The tongue-creature was in such a stasis unit and seemed quite sprightly.

Speaking of the tongue-creature, the Red Queen states that it is the result of the T-virus being injected directly into living tissue. Rain was chock-full of living tissue when she was bitten numerous times. These bites would have injected the virus into her living tissue, and yet it takes two thirds of the movie for her to go zombie. And yet Disposable Male Romantic Interest #2 is only scratched by the tongue-creature and within minutes starts mutating.

I don’t think the writers of Resident Evil have ever heard of science.

And even though there were several scenes of these “monsters” feeding, the bodies were surprisingly intact. This could be because the zombies, while ravenous, lacked the muscle control to bite and swallow their food, or it was simply a dumb-ass movie.

I started thinking, as I so often do, that there seems to be a lot of zombies in the media lately. Zombies and vampires.

This is not a vampire. This is an insult to your brain.

There’s probably some deep psychological reason for this, perhaps tapping into the fear of dead bodies nearly everyone has, or the use of blood-drinking to simulate sexual congress. I’m sure there are many scholarly works on the phenomenon out there. This being the Internet, there’s probably a site devoted to vampire/zombie slashfic, but I ain’t gonna look for it.

HELL. NO.

It kind of sad that with all the advances in effects and CGI that there are so many bad monster movies being made. I love monster movies, but I haven’t seen a really good new one in years. (I’m not including Hostel or Saw, those are slasher flicks.) I added some of the later Resident Evil movies to my Netflix queue, but I might remove them. I just wasn’t impressed.

The thing with my finger


My right index fingertip is leathery and a bit numb today; the reason for this is a no doubt boring tale I shall share with you anyway.

‘Cause I’m a giver.

Monday night I was fiddling with a hangnail on said right index  fingertip and it was sore. In a misguided effort to stave off any infection my minstrations may have caused, I soaked a cotton pad in a mixture of  alcohol and peroxide and used a strip of  electrical tape to hold it on my finger.

 In hindsight, this was a poorly thought out choice of action, but in my own defense I’m kinda stupid sometimes. 

 Moving on. I had planned to remove the tape and pad before going to bed, but I fell asleep. This was the second, and somewhat more severely stupid, choice I regret making, even if it wasn’t my consious brain that did the deciding but my … what ever brain-bit does the falling asleep thing. I don’t know – Dammit, Jim;  I’m a receptionist, not a neurologist.

Anyhoo, I woke up with my fingertip on fire. It was tingling and felt really odd. I got the makeshift bandage off and nearly screamed. I had a corpse-finger. It was dead white and wrinkled to the point that it was almost smooth again, just a few deep, really deep, creases tracking across the surface to show that all was not well in Fingerburg. It was incredibly sensitive to everything –  water, heat, cold, touch. I can’t imagine how my poor little nerve ending have been doing.

 It took most of the day for the unnatural paleness to fade and it’s still a little wrinkled today but the skin has gone all leathery (as I mentioned up there somewhere) and feels strange. As superpowers obtained through careless accidents, this rates right up there with super-flatulence gained from eating irradiated beans.