Tag Archive: doll

So we all know my brain works a bit wonky at times, right?

The other day Mother Dearest and I were digging through the big bins of toys at one of our favorite thrift stores and I found a naked porcelain doll with a stained cloth body and a broken foot. I fished it out and showed it to MD, who gave me The Look until I wondered out loud how much she could sell the head and hands for. (Hint: they are expensive.) She spent the twenty-five cents and scavenged the head and hands, throwing away the body and both feet.

I happened to look in the trash can, saw the good foot and decided to keep it.

I now literally have two left feet.

I was fiddling around with the leg and trying to think of something I could do with it. Make tiny shoes? Use it to model wee socks? While I was thinking I cruised over to eBay to do some browsing.

I like to type in random words into the search bar to see what comes up, one of my favorite to do is “haunted” because the weirdest crap comes up. All kinds of jewelry claiming to contain various spirits (and not the good kind) with all sorts of odd claims like the trapped succubus will turn you gay if you wear a particular “spirit vessel.” (Or turn you straight if you are already gay, I guess. Succubi seem to be equal opportunity specters.) Several sellers sell identical items that conveniently seem to house the same sort of spirit despite the ads claiming they are either Rare, Unique, or One of A Kind, and at least one is running a BOGO sale.

Which got me thinking … Why not sell my extra foot on eBay? With an appropriately outlandish story, of course.

Like the tiny bottle of googly craft eyes being sold as an “aid to open yur 3RD eye!” that claims to come from the estate of a real witch (All of these supposedly haunted items seem to come from the estates of real witches, they must be dropping like flies.) or the rock that the seller claims will allow you to create “healing water” on command. (Get back to me when you find a rock that will make some gin to go with that tonic water.)

Say it with me, children - "Seventeen dollars for THAT?"

There are numerous items being sold as haunted that I know for a fact that I’ve seen in bead and jewelry catalogs or websites, some are even being sold on eBay without the backstory for a quarter of the price.

At the bottom of every listing, after the seller has spent many badly-structured paragraphs attempting to convince you that this geegaw, for real and for truly, contains some mystical force, there is always a disclaimer at the bottom.

This is the one from the Googly 3RD eye bottle auction:

Legal Stuff:——— Law requirement states that paranormal objects are for entertainment purposes only; and you must be at least 18 years old to purchase. You agree that your purchase is subject to your own interpretation. This is a paranormal item that has been tested as active and we cannot be held accountable or responsible for its behavior .

So if it takes your car out for a joyride and impregnates the dog, it’s your own damned fault.

There is no law that I know of that specifically states that a “paranormal” item must be sold for “entertainment purposes only” – that’s just a fancy way of covering your ass so someone won’t try to sue you (or eBay) when the cheap piece of jewelry or Wal-Mart brand doll you sold them does absolutely nothing. There isn’t an age limit to buying dolls or jewelry, it just makes it sound that much more serious and give it a veneer of respectability.

Before someone makes a comment along the lines of “UR sew terribul!” because I’m contemplating using a fictional story to sell a doll’s foot on eBay, I’d like to point out that all of the stories selling these things are fictional. There is no such thing as vampires, or werewolves, or djinn  – all of these things are fictional creatures. I do believe there are more things in Heaven and Earth, etc – but you can’t download a fictional creature (or a real one for that matter) into an object like it was some sort of metaphysical iPod.

That said, if anyone has any ideas for a backstory for my leg, I’d love to hear it. I’m thinking a unicorn, I didn’t see many unicorns, or possibly a fire-breathing giraffe.

Holy shit, Google - really?



Fear Reborn

I have posted about creepy dolls before, but I have found the creepiest of all creepy dolls.

Say hello to the reborn baby doll.



That is not a picture of a baby, it’s a doll.


The basic idea is this; you get a baby doll and take it apart, restructure the features and repaint the head and limbs so that it  more closely resemble a real baby. Many of the artists are quite proud of their creations being mistaken for real children. (You know who else gets mistaken for real people? Zombies.)

I could not find a picture of a reborn baby doll that was not super-creepy.

Collectors display these things in “nurseries” with all the trappings of a real baby; crib, bassinet, different little outfits with matching pacifiers. And the dolls cost hundreds of dollars apiece, if you want a custom one that resembles your real child it can cost thousands.

What. The. HELL.

One website referred to these things as “The Cadillac of dolls”. I would call them “dreadful abominations”. They venture just far enough into the Uncanny Valley to resemble a real baby, but they’re not. They never could be. Vinyl and paint, no matter how artfully done, can only go so far.

I read  that people who have lost children will have a reborn custom made to look like their child. Now, I have never had children so I could never imagine the heartbreaking pain someone must experience when they lose something so very precious. But to have something that looks so  much like what you loved so dearly laying in the child’s crib, wearing it’s clothes, and knowing every time you looked at it that this thing was not your child  … That would terrible. I could not endure that.

The Cat’s Pajamas

I have three cats.

I'm the lazy one.

I'm also the lazy one.

I'm the evil one. But I'm also pretty lazy.

Granted the idea that I’m a crazy cat lady is not much of a shock, but I do draw the line at dressing them up in little outfits. Mostly because I’d like to keep my blood inside my body.

My sister found a little chihuahua one day and decided to keep it when she could not find the owners. It’s a fair representative of its breed; small excitable, and easily chilled. She has little sweaters and coats she puts on her to keep her warm. That is completely understandable, the poor thing gets cold and shivers like a back massager.

There are others out there who have taken the “keep the dog warm” approach and really ran with it.

They ran right out of Kookytown and straight into Insanityburg.

I do not understand this … fetish for clothing a dog. The dog doesn’t care if it’s in a pretty party dress, it just wants to be warm.

This goes beyond caring for the comfort of your animal, this is treating a living creature like a doll.

And not the good kind of doll.

I understand that there are people who treat their animals like their children, but to go so far as to coordinate you outfit to match your pet’s?


Just … no.

Creepy Dolls

I’ve never been a baby doll person; I’m more of the stuffed animal type. There is just something about the inherent squishiness of a plush animal that I find very appealing. And not in the “I’m gonna dress up as a six-foot tall purple gerbil and call myself Ms. Fluffikins” way.

Pictured: Inherent squishiness

Baby dolls, on the other hand, are pure evil.

Pure. EVIL.

The too-smooth skin, the gaping or grinning mouths, those haunted, glassy eyes that seem intent on devouring your tasty, tasty soul … there’s a reason the doll baby features so prominently in many horror films.
I think it has something to do with the fact that although the baby doll is the same approximate size and shape as a newborn human infant but  it is a lifeless thing, the very anathema of what makes a real baby appealing.
 These days toy manufacturers can make dolls that closely mimic real baby behaviour; they cry, they pee, they burp and eat and breastfeed – all the things a living baby doesn’t require D cells to accomplish. I’m sure this is done by toy manufacturers to make the experience more “realistic” for children but all it does is move those baby dolls higher up the Freaky-As-Shit scale towards the Apocalypse Level.

The eye thing does not help matters.

 Part of the reason I’m personally creeped out by these little horrors is the hobby Mother Dearest had when I was little.
She made porcelain dolls.
 Walking into a room where trays of arms and legs are sitting on the table or watching your mother sit on the couch and sand empty-eyed baby’s heads while she watches TV can sort of ruin the baby doll experience for you.