Tag Archive: why?


Active … What Now?


Why is Jamie Lee Curtis so concerned with the regularity of my bowel movements?

For those who don’t watch TV or fast forward through the commercials, for the past few years Jamie Lee Curtis, who one danced a tango with Arnold Schwarzenegger, is now shilling for a laxative-yogurt.

Sing it with me - Ack-tiv-e-ah!

 

The yogurt has some sort of special probiotic bacteria in it that will help “regulate” the digestion of the person eating it. In other words, it makes you poop.

Why are they selling this stuff to people?

Do we really need a famous person (who, I hope, is being paid millions of dollars) and a comprehensive advertising campaign to tell us how often we need to shit?

Is there someone out there who saw these commercials and suddenly realized “Hey! I should poop more often!”

While I may have forgotten most of what I learned in high school biology due to the contact highs I got from my lab partner, Skunky McDoobie, I’m pretty sure your internal plumbing takes care of the pooping thing just fine.

This is the last scholarly work I read on the subject.

 

If you are that concerned about your bowel movements, you either;

A) need to see a gastrointestinal specialist, or

B) visit a psychotherapist to deal with your coprophilic urges.

My grandmother was obsessed with the subject. She would watch GhostSister and I after school and it never failed that at some point she would ask us if we had had a BM that day. (That would be “bowel movement” for those who are a bit slow.)

Grandma at least had a personal interest in the subject of my digestive health, Jamie Lee Curtis has never met me before. For her sake, I hope Dannon pays her in enough gold bricks to build herself a little fort. She’s gonna need the privacy once the poop-yogurt kicks in.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here in the corner, weeping for humanity.

The Pen Conundrum


I noticed something odd today.

There is a clipboard on my desk where people sign in, it has a pen attached to the top with one of those long plastic springy things. Earlier today someone asked to borrow a pen and I gave them one of the loose ones I keep in a jar. They did their business and went about their way and I got busy and forgot all about the pen.

And then I noticed something odd. People were signing in more and more using the loose pen, even moving the regular pen out of the way at times so they could use the loose one. Both pens work equally well; both are the same color, the same size, almost identical save one has a leash and one does not.

But they used the loose pen about two-thirds of the time without even testing the leashed pen to see if it worked.

Why?

Did they assume the pen was broken or in some way non-functioning?

I got curious, so I scrounged up a loose pen that was almost empty and scribbled it dry. I replaced the good loose pen with the dry one.

A good majority picked up the loose pen, scribbled a bit, and then tried the leashed pen. Some tried the dry pen and then asked me for a pen, assuming the leashed pen did not work either. Very few picked up the leashed pen and ignored the dry pen altogether.

And then someone stole the dry pen.

I will never understand people.